I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Randomize
