i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
