Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
