Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
