i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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