but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize