i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
