if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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