At least make sure they are 18
Why
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Randomize
