Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
