hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Randomize
