So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
