i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
