No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
