Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Randomize
