I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
where am i from again
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Randomize
