she smelled like a LAN party
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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