Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
