It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
