i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
