oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
