I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
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