508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Randomize
