so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
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