He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Randomize
