I hate all girls vehemently.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
