Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
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