he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
