Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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