If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
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