From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
