listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Girls should come with a carfax report
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Randomize