I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
