Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
i believe in u and ur pee
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
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