At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
this must be what syphilis tastes like
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
