The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
