used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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