Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
