Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Randomize
