I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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