If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
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