i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize