Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
My life is pants optional.
Randomize
