dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize