Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
You made out with two different species that night
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
is that a dick in a sweater?
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Randomize