Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
