Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
