Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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