Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
how drunk are you?
Several
Randomize
