I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
