just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Randomize
