DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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