Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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