These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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