My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
