she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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