If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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