lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
