Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
do herpes really smell.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
