found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
