Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
i think my cat just said my name.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
