Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
My vagina just clenched in fear
Randomize
