Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
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