Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
