you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Randomize
