Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
