If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Send help, water and tortillas.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
