tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
