I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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