ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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